User blog:The8thDeadlySin/Understanding Everlee

okayokayokayokay, I know that pretty much everyone on this wiki has a *semi* negative Everlee and I can understand why, she's kinda a bitch. But...I also feel that it's important for everyone to know why and how she came to be this way.

Childhood.

Now, this is something that most everyone on the wiki knows about, Everlee as a child was abused, targeted, and wounded by her parents. But they also tourtured her in a way that no one else ever really got to see or even noticed. Most of Everlee's actions and thoughts are learned, something she didn't come up with on her own. She treats people like pieces in a big game of chess because that's what her parents used to do she was their pawn. A piece in their game. But what happened when Evelee didn't want to play their game? Nothing, because Everlee loved her parents, she loved her father and she loved her mother, she just couldn't understand why they didn't love her too. She eventually came to her own conclusion to this question, jk, her parents told her, it was because she wasn't worth their love. Keep in mind, this wasn't just when she was small, or just when she was a teen, this was practically her whole life. She was taught that you had to earn love, and that even once you did you had to keep earning it, if you didn't have to work for it then it was fake, never real and useless. Love is only a way to get what you want, that's it. You're not worth our love, there for you are not worth anything. This sent Everlee down another rabbit hole, she was never safe. Not in her room, not in her home, not with her friends, nowhere. She was never safe. To be safe meant to be loved and to be loved you had to be worth love.

Another thing that eventually ended up screwing up Everlee's life was the idea that her parents in her head was perfection. Everything had to be perfect, or better than perfect. Yet, Everlee wasn't perfect, wasn't the princess they were hoping for, she was just a broken girl with scars. They wanted a pretty girl, a nice girl, a sweet girl. But Everlee wasn't those things, she wasn't their kind of perfect.

Okay, well now that you have a slightly better idea of how Everlee was raised let’s unpack some of the things she did during the roleplay.

What happened with Killian.

Everlee was never in love with Killian, she never liked him in the first place, not like that at least. Now, most of you are probably very confused after reading that, so let me break it down for you. Everlee had always been taught that love is safety, so if she is safe then she is loved and viseversa. She had also never seen a functioning relationship other than her parents' (though I wouldn't exactly call it functioning) and theirs' was built of of trust, respect and (hate too) a basic understanding of each other, they were more like best friends who had sex and raised kids together. It would make sense, in Everlee's mind, that when she became friends with Killian, she was actually starting something more meaningful. To Everlee, this all made sense she'd only been in love once and it had sprung from a friendship so, to her, since both she and Killian enjoyed each other's company, they were in love. And that meant that she was safe. Safe as long as Killian loved her, safe as long as she was worth his time.

When Killian got engaged to Addie but still kept his relationship with Everlee, she was confused, why would he marry someone if he loved her? But he didn't, not anymore. So, she overreacted because she felt as if she was losing the one person who she thought could ever love her. The only one who could see past her scars. It didn't help that Addison was the cookie cutter daughter that her parents had always wanted. In Everlee's broken mind the only thing that made sense to her was that she wasn't worth Killian's love because she wasn't the blonde, pretty girl her parents had wanted and if she were then he would have. Or maybe if she had tried harder or been better she would have been worth it and then Killian and her parents would have still loved her. It was her fault that they didn't.

So, the reason that she hated Killian and Addison after that even though they didn’t do anything wrong is because that they were proof that she was broken, ruined, useless. That she would always be worth nothing. But if she could beat them then she would be able to prove that that was wrong and she was worth something. It was wrong yes but in her mind it was what was right. Another thing to note is that Everlee isn't always the Everlee everyone knows, when he gets afraid or upset she reverts back to something easier and safer. She basically reverts back to a child. This child, is always with Everlee, when she gets mad or upset that little kid inside of her shows it's self and basically throughs a tantrum. It's unstable and it's something no person in their right mind would want to be around.

Why did she hate Grey if he obviously liked her (platonically?)

As stated Everlee learned from her parents and also stated was the fact that she doesn’t believe that love comes for free, it has to be earned. So, when Grey comes up and is just nice and kind to her she believes that he is trying to trick her and hurt her. She reverts back to a younger version of herself and acts like a child, she ignores him and does petty things to be mean. Eventually she learns to trust Grey and begins to treat him as more of a friend because that’s how he treats her. So, she’s back into that Killian cycle where she thinks that friendship is love, even though it isn’t, neither of them love each other. She doesn’t love Grey and never did, he was just a means to an end until she started to treat him as a friend. She then is able to see the difference between love and friendship and becomes a better person for it.

But she was also taught other things from her parents. You are only safe if you are loved. Grey did not love Everlee, so she wasn’t safe. Everlee was never safe because she wasn’t loved. Which means that she worked harder to make others love her, like her people.

Now you might be saying, ‘oh Twilight, isn’t it a good thing that she wants to help her people?’ and yes, it is. But not for her reasons, she want’s to be safe and if her people love her then she will be. So, her work becomes an obsession, and it takes back all mental heath that having Grey as her side might have helped with.

Other shit she did:

Look, if I wrote giant paragraphs like these for everything she did then you guys would be here all day. But, good job for making it here, I doubt that most people would have actually read through that. So, next time you think about Everlee hopefully you'll understand her a bit better. Idk, but I hope I answered some questions or at least cleared the air a bit. I didn’t edit any of this, sorry if it’s hard to read. If you have any questions about Everlee feel free to message me ig.